if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
