i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
