Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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