dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
