You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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