You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
