Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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