I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
