I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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