It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
