Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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