if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
