he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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