are you still at the devil's house?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
