dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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