apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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