I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
