I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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