DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
