I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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