Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just googled if crying burns calories
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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