my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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