Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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