Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize