Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
