drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I bet he comes in French.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
