That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
