he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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