Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
