Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
