Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
