My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just pee around me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
