dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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