I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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