I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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