She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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