The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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