so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
