Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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