yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
