Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
