I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
