i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
