i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
