...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
