I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
