If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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