new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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