I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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