Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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