We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am midnight drunk by noon
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
