My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
wow bdsm is so cute
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
