just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
