My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
