dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
