my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize