I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
