the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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