Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
