Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
