I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
